The Messy Middle Of Becoming

Joya 0:00

Hello, beautiful lights and souls. I felt compelled to share this episode about the messy middle and the process of becoming because so many people are walking through this time right now where it feels like nothing is happening. But I want to assure you that underneath the surface, there are forces at work within your system that you can't see that are doing the alchemical process of your own becoming. Becoming does not feel like you're becoming while it's happening. For me, it's felt like confusion. It's felt uncertain. It's felt unclear. It's felt like it's too late. I've missed the boat. It's felt like so many things. And I think the best word for it is it feels like stuck. Feels like nothing's moving, nothing's happening, nothing's working, nothing's arriving.

Grief And Identity Coming Apart

Joya 1:20

When we go through the process of grief, for those of you who have listened to this podcast for a while, who know I've been on my grief journey, that when you go through the process of grief, and when you go through the process of plant ceremonies, they do this exact same thing to your brain. It unplugs your default mode network, which is the part of you that maintains your autobiographical self in the world, your identity, your narrative of I am this person living this life and the story that you tell yourself all day long about yourself. When we go through grief or when we go through plant medicine ceremonies, that's what's disrupted. It's self-identity that begins to fall apart. And that's why grief and even plant medicine ceremonies, I know people who've come out of those just wrecked. It annihilates the sense of self that you were before. And so, in a very real sense, the person that you were is dismantled. And most people, when they're in this period of dismantling, they don't know what to do because the brain is panicking and they scramble. They want to rebuild an old identity as fast as possible because the uncertainty is unbearable. They need to know who they are again. They need solid ground, they need proof, they need to reach to the familiar, even when those things no longer fit. And I understand this impulse and this need and how terrifying it is to really just go again and to surrender. And that's what I'm so grateful for, is because Weston gave me a path through. Learned to identify my truth in the world, learned to have certainty that of who I am in the world, learned to surrender over and over again. I find myself standing here in this realization today, now that I was not stuck. There was not nothing happening. I was becoming. But in between, you don't sit there and see the grass growing.

Forest Fire Wisdom And Nervous System Safety

Joya 4:20

And the same thing is after a forest fire. It looks like complete devastation. But underneath the ash and underneath the soil, new life is taking root in the darkness before it has any reason to believe that there's light. And that's what happens to all of us when we go through these processes. Something else is being planted in those fields that have been destroyed. But if we walk this path consciously, if we have practices and principles and ways of being that we live within, the nervous system starts to know that it's safe to exist differently now. I'm a safe space for myself. I don't betray myself when my feelings get hard. I face things I don't want to face. And I proved myself that I have the capacity to do that. And I know that some of you are in this right now, this in-between, the place that doesn't have a name yet, this part of this place of becoming where you don't even know who you're becoming. And honestly, so do I don't either. And because I've moved now into a place of constantly becoming. And I feel that's more true to my personal nature and my human design and my astrology and all of those things. I feel like my qualities of aliveness are presence, staying present, living in the present moment, being in presence. So you too are in a process of becoming. It's a sacred invisible phase of reorganization within you. And it's compost. Our old life is being composted. But this aliveness that's happening, this alchemical process that's happening, is intelligent. It's literally the process through which life transforms itself into more life. So I have not

Staying With Uncertainty Long Enough

Joya 6:32

bypassed this grief. I've stayed in it, I've turned toward it, knowing that there's a force in the universe that's at work that I can't see. But for me, it's taken 15 months. This is 15 months I've had of not really having an identity and searching for it. Like, what's next? What am I supposed to do with this? What am I supposed to be be now? And stay in the relationship with that, dismantling it. And stay long enough for something deeper to reorganize. And I'm realizing that what reorganized was not a rebuilt version of the old me, not at all, not even close. What emerged is something that's always been there that I could sense but couldn't feel. And it's what I have been seeking and searching for my whole life. And it is the soul, the soul of me, the light within me. And that I am a safe space now within myself to hold my aliveness instead of being a space within myself that feels like I have to protect myself from aliveness. So if your life has been dismantled in ways you didn't choose and can't fully explain where you are, just say to yourself, I'm in sacred passage right now. It seems like nothing is happening, but everything is reorganizing beneath the surface. I am being freed into myself. I can tell you that an aliveness path requires you to look at all of your fears. And this is the part of yourself that walking through grief consciously brings you to. That it turns and creates this alchemy inside of you that that pain becomes the equal depth of the light about yourself that you can realize. I don't know how that works, but that's what I'm experiencing. And that's the best way to describe it. And it just doesn't happen automatically. This is a path that we have to choose to walk consciously, and it's not an easy path. But it also arises within you. Grief begets the grief that you had locked within you, so you can just express all of it. And I'm so grateful for this path that Weston gave me. It's what I'm writing my book about now at this very moment. My release date I'm aiming for is July 22nd, Mary Magdalene's feast day. Because these principles, these ways of being in the world, I haven't known what to call them. They are a process that rewrites your code of being into a being that is expansive, luminous, and lit up by God, goddess, creator, universe, source, intelligence.

Source, Soul, And The Bubble Analogy

Joya 10:59

Because its code is in us, and when we access that code, this is how we illuminate our own selves. I posted on Instagram a great visualization I had about us being a part of this oneness. And imagine yourself holding a bubble, a can of bubbles or a bottle of bubbles. And when you pull out the wand, you have the source on the wand. And then to make this source come to life, it needs breath. The active feminine component, the part I'm talking about that does this alchemy, and you breathe into that outcome, a family of bubbles. And they all look individual, but they're all one thing. They all have qualities of the source imprinted in them. Some are going to be very iridescent, some will be big, some will be small, some will be attached to others. It's just like the soul. It's such a perfect analogy, and I'm so grateful I received it.

Shake, Breathe, And Find Held Tension

Joya 12:10

So, with that, beloveds, I'm going to drop you into a quick practice to notice where in your body you're holding your breath, so you can breathe into that place, so that that place too can be released, released to fear, so that your light, your aliveness can come into that space. I invite you to stand with your feet shoulder width apart and feel yourself strongly rooted to the ground. And allow yourself to just gently start shaking your body to this rhythm. Bouncing on the balls of your feet, bouncing at the knees, hips, shoulders, arms, hands. Allow yourself to shake. And notice inside of your body and ask, Where is my body holding its breath? Breathe into that place and sound it out. Breathe into that place. Breathe into that place and sound it out. Where else can you shake your body? Shake your feet, your knees, your head, your shoulders. Really shake and notice inside of yourself where you're experiencing tension or where you're not fluid. These are the places your body is holding its breath. Breathe into that place and breathe it out. Where is your body holding its breath? Breathe into that place and stretch it out. Where is your body holding its breath? Breathe into that place and sound it out. Just notice how you feel now inside of your body, just from this short three-minute practice.

Full Moon Invitation And Closing

Joya 15:52

And I invite you to join me for a full moon sound immersion experience on Zoom. You can sign up at joyasosnowski.com. I'll see you next week, beloved. And remember, turn up your light. Every moment is your becoming because your life is your path.